Life as I know it..today

Life as we know it is coming to an end

And the more I live it

The more I'm disappointed

I know I can't say this

This life and everything on earth is a blessing from God

I know that

And I can't possible say no

But it disappoints me to see how people are..

I am in this workforce

Not your typical one

But one that tries to change the world

Making an actual serious committed effort to change things

And clearly going against the tide

Against what everyone else is doing

And looking completely incomprehensible to the common eye

And in my work so far...

I am seeing too many incongruence

And it saddens me even more..

There are those explicit ones you expect

And yet I am shocked and sadden every single time

And there are those internal ones

That's just completely unfathomable

and disheartening

hampering and disappointing

I don't know what I expected

But I did not expect this

I can't wrap my mind around it you know

I'm trying to understand

But to be honest I don't

I think it is absurd, ridiculous and extremely selfish

I just cannot understand this kind of behaviour

It's absurd

It's completely absurd..

I'm trying to understand

I'm trying my hardest without compromising my principles

And without getting dragged into the same tide

I just can't understand this.

---

Someone told me..

When you've worked your hardest

And you've tried everything

It's time for you to let go

I think that's what I need to do you know.

Not give up in my work

But to let go

to Allah

There are things He does...that He lets happen

that's completely beyond our understanding

no matter how much we thought it over

And when you've reached that point

letting go is the best thing..

But my prayers will go on

I don't want to take advantage to know

Fold up my arms, or put my legs on the coffee table

I really don't

And I'm forever scared that God will be mad at me for not doing enough

I don't wanna slack

Coz I don't wanna be an ungrateful creation

This life is a test

And I'm forever missing heaven

And I wish I could return home someday.

"Aku tinggalkan manusia kerana aku mengenali mereka

Telah banyak pengalamanku bersama teman demi teman

Setiap hari, aku gembira menyambut permulaanya

Namun akhirnya aku sedih melihat penghujungnya."

Bingkisan sebuah syair Arab.

I feel it so close to my heart...

About what I feel about friendships. About the people I meet in the span of my short life. The love and heartbreaks (friendship-wise)...

I've only met one person that is like a gem amongst all the glass

She's genuine, she's caring, she's forever understanding

She would never think bad of me

I mean, her first thoughts are always good of you, and after that, only then she would ask

We click

And like cliche in novels - we can 'finish each other's sentences'

I don't know if she knows..

But I truly treasure her

Even though I've tested her quite a lot

sampai hati

oh Allah,

hati yang sedih perlu dirawati,

pipi yang basah perlu dikeringkan,

langkah yang longlai perlu dikuatkan kembali,

jiwa yang lemah ini memerlukan pangkuan kekuasaanMu,

oh Allah, I need your love,

I need your comfort...