gosh...I didn't how I miss the US...
I was watching this video on youtube by brother Nouman Ali Khan, I'm sure you guys have heard of him, really famous guy. Erm he was talking about Why and How to learn Arabic..and suddenly I realized how much I wanted to be there..
You see...brother Nouman is actually one of the instructors at Bayyinah institute, a centre for learning the Arabic language. They provide courses in classical arabic and arabic literary. I was interested in this one course they have, or actually, planning to offer. It's called the Dream project. I find it very interesting especially after listening to one of brother Nouman's tafseer session at Kalamullah. Here, I'll give you the link
I was listening and I was struck by how different it was from any other tafseer I've ever listened to. It actually explored a different side of the Qur'an. It's different, really, you should check it out yourselves.
Erm...there's a part of me that want to learn arabic. It's not that strong, maybe coz I'm not that into learning a language. I picked up English, I guess when I was in the US. And I read a lot. So, a lot of it is by exposure. And the grammar and everything I guess, it just comes naturally with reading the language you know. But, learning a language in the formal way, of memorizing and grammar and connecting it all together with all these rules. I don't know. Maybe coz I'm lazy. Maybe. I don't know. How do you get a language naturally? Hmm..
I've thought of like going to Egypt or Mauritania where my favourite Sheikh learned before, to learn Arabic. You know, stay there for a year or something. But, honestly, I have no interest in Egypt, a huge interested in Mauritania, but at the moment knows no one close there and of course no means and feasible plan to go there. If the world was mine, I'd probably just take a plan and fly over there and learn.
But I guess, US has always struck a sweet cord with me. I've thought going to Zaytuna institute, but the course seemed to rigorous and scary for my taste.. Masjid Omar is another...then, there's this Bayyinah Institute.
Hm...I don't know...now, at this moment writing this down...It suddenly feels like a past life, that life of mine in the US. I didn't stayed that long, but I guess it left a trace. You know, I've never felt that much anger towards the US. Their President and government killed the Muslims, but not their people. And, the US that I know was not evil. In fact, it was the place that I remember good memories. Very much in contradiction to what I feel when I came back to M'sia.
I don't know if I ever want to go back. You hear so many things in the media post 9/11....But, I don't know...I think..the US's people...I think, they're forgiving. I don't know..I lived in one of the small city...not New York or anywhere close to that, so, I don't know. I guess, in areas where there's no evangelists or in small cities, it's probably not so bad to go back...I don't know..I'll let fate take the lead..
The thing is, I don't know if I ever want to go back to M'sia. The Malaysia that I know has never welcomed me. And that's the truth from the very bottom of my heart. And I know, people will I dah lupa daratan or something daring to say this public. But I'm not saying this out of hate towards Malaysia. Malaysia will always be my home country. And I have no intention on changing nationality or disowning my roots. This is just how I feel. And what I feel is from the experiences that I've had in living in two different countries.
I worry, honestly. Of raising a child, building a family in Malaysia. I seriously do not know how I can raise a good child in the environment Malaysia is in right now. It's a daunting thought.
Till then.
Salam.
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