Salam,
One of the things I don't like in life is Chemistry.
As far back as I can remember, it is the one subject that has ever gotten me a C. And it frustrated me then so much. First, because I had never gotten a C. And second, because I know I deserve that C. Because every time I stepped out of that Chemistry lab, I felt as stupid as a donkey. I was confused, I couldn't understand what was going on, those equations were making me crazy, especially those molar concentrations and ratios. Argh!
I've said before that I've never cared about grades but about understanding. I was so frustrated with Chemistry because of that. That I didn't understand what was going on.
Back in high school, Chemistry was somehow not that hard. Most I could figure out with logic. Same with maths, I tend to understand things logically and then, just applied them on those questions on paper. I don't much like doing mathematical exercises/problems, and I don't like checking my answers after finishing pages of those equations in the tests. And Chemistry was the same. Some required memorization but most I applied logic.
But when you get to A-levels...you'll meet the mother of all Chemistry...Organic Chemistry.
Urgh. All those memorizations involved, all those different reactions and pathways, just do not make sense to me. How do you possibly prove that these things are happening. Can you look under a microscope, and see these atoms and molecules the way they are portrayed. No. These are only theories. Imaginations of how it might be like. But, seeing the education system in Malaysia, and how I had bought into the whole education pathway that supposedly all the best students of Malaysia are taking.....I had to get better grades from my Chemistry. So I sat down one holiday. I think it was about a week or so. And set myself to studying those Chemistry books. Whatever it is, I'm going to understand this thing.
So, Alhamdulillah, Allah got me through that time. But now again, in med school, Chemistry comes to haunt me again. First, with Biochemistry in my 2nd year, and now Pharmacology in my 4th year. I think, Allah has not bless me with any sort of liking of Chemistry. It's just as hard now as it was then. If I could only use my logic, I would. But here, I have to do the same thing I did back at A-level, take the subject seriously, study and memorize first, even though they're all imaginations of reactions drawn as colourful pictures in books that can never be proven..., only then, after you've put yourself to studying that thing, can you apply your logic. At the moment, I'm not faring so well. Been busy with other stuff. Have not really been putting myself to any real study of those drugs. Cause and effect. To get through this, I need to really seriously multitask and put some serious effort into things. Focus.
I pray to Allah that things will be fine. And that he will shut away all the fitnah from the hearts of men.
Amin.
InsyaAllah.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Quiet day
Salam,
My today today, is a quiet day. I went to class in the morning. Back home in the evening. Cook. Pray. Then, went on my pc. Search youtube for some good da'wah video to put on my YM status. And then, opened my tafsir book get some readings done. Then, went on blogger to get a blog entry in. And now, I'm writing here telling you my day. :)
Tired now. Need sleep...good nite guys. =)
bye bye!
My today today, is a quiet day. I went to class in the morning. Back home in the evening. Cook. Pray. Then, went on my pc. Search youtube for some good da'wah video to put on my YM status. And then, opened my tafsir book get some readings done. Then, went on blogger to get a blog entry in. And now, I'm writing here telling you my day. :)
Tired now. Need sleep...good nite guys. =)
bye bye!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
I'm only human
Salam,
It's difficult being with non-Muslims who don't understand (sometimes its a minority, sometimes its a majority, sometimes depending on my mood too...urh..i'm only human). When you have to contend with smirks and internally-snide remarks. It would be nice to have people who would at least respect that everyone has their own belief no matter how silly they seem, and to just let them be...
I guess I have to be patient. I don't know what else to do. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should just say to 'em " what's your problem? If you don't like religion and if you don't want to believe, then that's you. I want to believe, so leave me alone!" or maybe "You want to know why I'm so fussy about my hijab right? Or why I don't go out with boys. Or drink in pubs. Fine. Ask me why! Stop sniding me all day!"
Gosh...it's really frustrating some time. I used to get really mad and angry. Although, I don't show it much (I don't know, maybe it does show on my face. Usually people say I can't hide my feelings. Always it shows on my face..hu...). But now I guess, I'm just more sad. Probably at myself for not being able to communicate to him/her about Islam. I got irked most of the time by their actions. And this irk-ness always makes me feel not so much like wanting to share anything good with 'em, much less be friendly. And ultimately, not wanting to share something as beautiful and pure and precious as Islam with someone as bad as him/her. I felt like, he/she is not worth it. I know. What an arrogant me. This is definitely a really really really bad perception or point of view, right. Especially for someone who wants to do da'wah. Definitely not the way to go. Bad bad perception. I hope I don't mean it. Gosh it's just, I get frustrated you know! hm Okay, fine, really. I have to get it out of my mind. It's not good. This kinda feeling is definitely not Islam.
hu..
I'm only human. And I have feelings just like anyone. And I get frustrated too.
I'm not a superwoman. I can't do everything. And when I do one thing, other things do fall apart. I'm trying to learn. I'm learning. And it will take time. I'm no angel. I'm only human.
The best I can do right now is be patient (sabr). And have faith in Allah. And make dua. There's only the best to hope for.
Fisabilillah!
Salam.
It's difficult being with non-Muslims who don't understand (sometimes its a minority, sometimes its a majority, sometimes depending on my mood too...urh..i'm only human). When you have to contend with smirks and internally-snide remarks. It would be nice to have people who would at least respect that everyone has their own belief no matter how silly they seem, and to just let them be...
I guess I have to be patient. I don't know what else to do. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should just say to 'em " what's your problem? If you don't like religion and if you don't want to believe, then that's you. I want to believe, so leave me alone!" or maybe "You want to know why I'm so fussy about my hijab right? Or why I don't go out with boys. Or drink in pubs. Fine. Ask me why! Stop sniding me all day!"
Gosh...it's really frustrating some time. I used to get really mad and angry. Although, I don't show it much (I don't know, maybe it does show on my face. Usually people say I can't hide my feelings. Always it shows on my face..hu...). But now I guess, I'm just more sad. Probably at myself for not being able to communicate to him/her about Islam. I got irked most of the time by their actions. And this irk-ness always makes me feel not so much like wanting to share anything good with 'em, much less be friendly. And ultimately, not wanting to share something as beautiful and pure and precious as Islam with someone as bad as him/her. I felt like, he/she is not worth it. I know. What an arrogant me. This is definitely a really really really bad perception or point of view, right. Especially for someone who wants to do da'wah. Definitely not the way to go. Bad bad perception. I hope I don't mean it. Gosh it's just, I get frustrated you know! hm Okay, fine, really. I have to get it out of my mind. It's not good. This kinda feeling is definitely not Islam.
hu..
I'm only human. And I have feelings just like anyone. And I get frustrated too.
I'm not a superwoman. I can't do everything. And when I do one thing, other things do fall apart. I'm trying to learn. I'm learning. And it will take time. I'm no angel. I'm only human.
The best I can do right now is be patient (sabr). And have faith in Allah. And make dua. There's only the best to hope for.
Fisabilillah!
Salam.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Perfection
Salam,
I guess I've never been one to strive for perfection. To me, life is something to be cherished, to be experienced. I guess I've never been the one who would strive for straight A's or perfect points or 100%. I try to do my best, but if I make mistakes, it's fine. I like doing things and not care too much about the result.
There are times when I felt I was slacking too much. And I sorta push myself those times. But, at heart, I'm not a perfectionist. And I think at least for me, that is a good thing. I do hope that I will keep doing my best at things. At heart, I'm the kind of person that likes to understand rather than to master and I hope I will keep on understanding, but at the same time I think I need to not undermine mastery. I'm learning that mastery is actually important. And that there's nothing wrong or insincere or dishonest about striving for it.
Oh Allah, Lord of the universe, King of the worlds, you are my master, you are my guide, give me guidance and strengthen my heart. Amin.
Love,
Your servant.
I guess I've never been one to strive for perfection. To me, life is something to be cherished, to be experienced. I guess I've never been the one who would strive for straight A's or perfect points or 100%. I try to do my best, but if I make mistakes, it's fine. I like doing things and not care too much about the result.
There are times when I felt I was slacking too much. And I sorta push myself those times. But, at heart, I'm not a perfectionist. And I think at least for me, that is a good thing. I do hope that I will keep doing my best at things. At heart, I'm the kind of person that likes to understand rather than to master and I hope I will keep on understanding, but at the same time I think I need to not undermine mastery. I'm learning that mastery is actually important. And that there's nothing wrong or insincere or dishonest about striving for it.
Oh Allah, Lord of the universe, King of the worlds, you are my master, you are my guide, give me guidance and strengthen my heart. Amin.
Love,
Your servant.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
OneRepublic
Salam,
Ryan Tedder's a musical genius :) !
The new album sound really good...They're going with a slightly different sound this time around..but still very orchestra-ic/U2 =) i'm loving it! =)
Ryan Tedder's a musical genius :) !
The new album sound really good...They're going with a slightly different sound this time around..but still very orchestra-ic/U2 =) i'm loving it! =)
Friday, November 6, 2009
I miss our conversations
Those chats we had every night
I miss talking about the world
And about Islam, books and life
I miss telling you my day
And what I'm going through
I miss our sharing of opinions
And experiences
I miss someone to talk to
With absolute comfort
I miss speaking my mind
With unedited words
I miss being totally myself
And speaking my own language
I miss talking, period
And I miss you.
Those chats we had every night
I miss talking about the world
And about Islam, books and life
I miss telling you my day
And what I'm going through
I miss our sharing of opinions
And experiences
I miss someone to talk to
With absolute comfort
I miss speaking my mind
With unedited words
I miss being totally myself
And speaking my own language
I miss talking, period
And I miss you.
Monday, October 26, 2009
al-Mathurat
Salam,
I remember the first I heard of al-Mathurat. I was at my former boarding school (common in Malaysia) and we just had our first congregational Maghrib prayer. I was just about to get up when the head of my wing announced that we were gonna read the Mathurat. I thought, what's al-Mathurat? I sat down and listened...
I've never heard of any of it and I could not even mime my lips to it to try to even pretend that I know. I was half-intrigued and half-worried that this was some alien cult teaching. But someone gave me a small printed copy of the rhymes they were repeating. And I decided to look.
To be truly honest...., I was struck speechless.
These rhymes...these words of the Mathurat...these...are amazing words. Beautiful, elegant and emotionally, deep, self-sacrificing, full-submissionly honest, selfless words. And I...I just couldn't utter them.
I couldn't repeat those words with the rest. I couldn't just go with the rhyme and allocated time. I couldn't sit and read again and again with that melody they had,.. and not feel anything. I couldn't read it every night and close that minibook in my hand and then smile and return to my daily routine. I just couldn't do it.
I think those words mean too much to me. If I read, I had to read it with meaning. I had to feel it in my heart. I have put myself in the zone and truly understand what I read. Knowing what the words mean, I can't turn back on them, and start reading them off like some charm or rhyme. I don't know Arabic, and therefore, like many Malaysians, a lot of worship involves reading off what we memorized without knowing at all the meaning to those words we utter. I've looked into that minibook. That minibook which shows on one page, the caligraphy of the Arabic words, and just on the page beside it, their meanings in Malay. And I can't just shut my eyes to those meanings just right beside.
I like the Mathurat. They are some of the strongest words I've ever encountered my entire life. And they are the first words of Arabic (in the context of worship), that their meaning I've truly paid attention to and care about. Meaning...that they are the first words of worship that I've shed my tears too.
Back in that dorm school, I had to follow the crowd and read off those words in robotic rhymes. It was a regimented rule of the school. So, the crowd had diluted me then. However, that seed had been planted. And the roots had started to grow.
Nowadays, I cannot read the Mathurat without crying. It's impossible. If I read it truly with my heart, I can't possibly not cry. But just like school, there is a culture of reading mathurat as a congregation, reading with a group of people together. And, at these times, it's very very difficult for me to fully feel and put myself full-hearted into feeling those words. In groups, you're acutely aware of people around you. And I personally get shy around crowds in truly expressing what I feel inside. And in crowds, those rhymes are there and you have to follow them. It's part of congregational worship for that togetherness.
Zikr (remembrance of Allah) however, is not primarily encouraged to do in congregation except the solat (5 daily prayers). It is a bida'ah. And I have constant conflicts with the issue whenever I have to zikr in groups. This is probably something that I have to build the courage to to stand up to. The reason most groups do zikr in groups is for the togetherness and that feeling of togetherness. And also as a learning and supportive method to encourage zikr. I guess I probably have to talk to my friends. The ones who understand would understand insyaAllah.
Wallahu'alam.
I remember the first I heard of al-Mathurat. I was at my former boarding school (common in Malaysia) and we just had our first congregational Maghrib prayer. I was just about to get up when the head of my wing announced that we were gonna read the Mathurat. I thought, what's al-Mathurat? I sat down and listened...
I've never heard of any of it and I could not even mime my lips to it to try to even pretend that I know. I was half-intrigued and half-worried that this was some alien cult teaching. But someone gave me a small printed copy of the rhymes they were repeating. And I decided to look.
To be truly honest...., I was struck speechless.
These rhymes...these words of the Mathurat...these...are amazing words. Beautiful, elegant and emotionally, deep, self-sacrificing, full-submissionly honest, selfless words. And I...I just couldn't utter them.
I couldn't repeat those words with the rest. I couldn't just go with the rhyme and allocated time. I couldn't sit and read again and again with that melody they had,.. and not feel anything. I couldn't read it every night and close that minibook in my hand and then smile and return to my daily routine. I just couldn't do it.
I think those words mean too much to me. If I read, I had to read it with meaning. I had to feel it in my heart. I have put myself in the zone and truly understand what I read. Knowing what the words mean, I can't turn back on them, and start reading them off like some charm or rhyme. I don't know Arabic, and therefore, like many Malaysians, a lot of worship involves reading off what we memorized without knowing at all the meaning to those words we utter. I've looked into that minibook. That minibook which shows on one page, the caligraphy of the Arabic words, and just on the page beside it, their meanings in Malay. And I can't just shut my eyes to those meanings just right beside.
I like the Mathurat. They are some of the strongest words I've ever encountered my entire life. And they are the first words of Arabic (in the context of worship), that their meaning I've truly paid attention to and care about. Meaning...that they are the first words of worship that I've shed my tears too.
Back in that dorm school, I had to follow the crowd and read off those words in robotic rhymes. It was a regimented rule of the school. So, the crowd had diluted me then. However, that seed had been planted. And the roots had started to grow.
Nowadays, I cannot read the Mathurat without crying. It's impossible. If I read it truly with my heart, I can't possibly not cry. But just like school, there is a culture of reading mathurat as a congregation, reading with a group of people together. And, at these times, it's very very difficult for me to fully feel and put myself full-hearted into feeling those words. In groups, you're acutely aware of people around you. And I personally get shy around crowds in truly expressing what I feel inside. And in crowds, those rhymes are there and you have to follow them. It's part of congregational worship for that togetherness.
Zikr (remembrance of Allah) however, is not primarily encouraged to do in congregation except the solat (5 daily prayers). It is a bida'ah. And I have constant conflicts with the issue whenever I have to zikr in groups. This is probably something that I have to build the courage to to stand up to. The reason most groups do zikr in groups is for the togetherness and that feeling of togetherness. And also as a learning and supportive method to encourage zikr. I guess I probably have to talk to my friends. The ones who understand would understand insyaAllah.
Wallahu'alam.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
too old for technology?
salam
headache today..
seriously....headache..
suddenly feel so old..
just got back from endoscopy seminar..
oh God...am I the only one here that feels that there's just to much artificial-ness?? seriously! metal tube down the throat, into the anal, through the bowel...and then some wire thingy called stent inserted into the mucosa.....urgh...i somehow found it almost vomit-worthy..
i duno...
i guess i'm all about nature?
it's just way too artificial for me..
if doctor said i had to do endoscopy...i would say NO!!!...cut me open but no endoscopy...(probably would change my mind later, but not at this exact moment!)
ortopedics just now was pretty horror too...
but I do like the physical examination though...pretty cool...physiotherapy...
headache today..
seriously....headache..
suddenly feel so old..
just got back from endoscopy seminar..
oh God...am I the only one here that feels that there's just to much artificial-ness?? seriously! metal tube down the throat, into the anal, through the bowel...and then some wire thingy called stent inserted into the mucosa.....urgh...i somehow found it almost vomit-worthy..
i duno...
i guess i'm all about nature?
it's just way too artificial for me..
if doctor said i had to do endoscopy...i would say NO!!!...cut me open but no endoscopy...(probably would change my mind later, but not at this exact moment!)
ortopedics just now was pretty horror too...
but I do like the physical examination though...pretty cool...physiotherapy...
Monday, October 19, 2009
when Medicine enters the heart...
Salam,
A middle-aged man
a car accident
broken ribs
punctured thorax
intubation
broken pelvis
immobilized
chest tubes, urinary tubes, breathing tubes
fractured ribs
and arms
A 15- year old girl
fell from a high place
suicide attempt
chest tubes
urinary catheter
dislocated head of femur
prepped for operation
tomorrow
Old man
injury to the knee
fluid accumulation
brought to emergency by daughter
Old lady
patella fracture
brought to emergency by daughter
from a different district
Old man
drunk
gash on his scalp
got one stitch
brought to emergency by the ambulance
--------------------------------------
Today I saw.....
A beautiful girl, with fair skin, curly golden hair and a beautiful smile. Today I saw her in bed eating lunch with her pink fingernails. Today I saw a beautiful girl. A girl so beautiful on the outside and yet so unhappy on the inside. Today I saw a girl, that tried to take her life...that tried to commit suicide.
A man, tall and strong. On a bed injured so bad that he can't move. He can't talk. He can't even smile. Today I saw a strong man communicate with only his head to nod. Today I saw a strong man helpless.
Today I saw an old lady and an old man. Brought in to see the doctor by their daughters. At night. Outside office hours. Today I saw the one being nurtured and cared before caring for the nurturer. Today, I saw the roles reversed. Today I saw kindness, unselfishness and love.
And today I saw a drunk. With a gash on his head. And his son not there. And the injury not a first one. And that many more before was also due to drunkenness. And I hate alcohol! And its bad effects. On the poor old man. And other road accidents caused by drunk drivers.
salam.
A middle-aged man
a car accident
broken ribs
punctured thorax
intubation
broken pelvis
immobilized
chest tubes, urinary tubes, breathing tubes
fractured ribs
and arms
A 15- year old girl
fell from a high place
suicide attempt
chest tubes
urinary catheter
dislocated head of femur
prepped for operation
tomorrow
Old man
injury to the knee
fluid accumulation
brought to emergency by daughter
Old lady
patella fracture
brought to emergency by daughter
from a different district
Old man
drunk
gash on his scalp
got one stitch
brought to emergency by the ambulance
--------------------------------------
Today I saw.....
A beautiful girl, with fair skin, curly golden hair and a beautiful smile. Today I saw her in bed eating lunch with her pink fingernails. Today I saw a beautiful girl. A girl so beautiful on the outside and yet so unhappy on the inside. Today I saw a girl, that tried to take her life...that tried to commit suicide.
A man, tall and strong. On a bed injured so bad that he can't move. He can't talk. He can't even smile. Today I saw a strong man communicate with only his head to nod. Today I saw a strong man helpless.
Today I saw an old lady and an old man. Brought in to see the doctor by their daughters. At night. Outside office hours. Today I saw the one being nurtured and cared before caring for the nurturer. Today, I saw the roles reversed. Today I saw kindness, unselfishness and love.
And today I saw a drunk. With a gash on his head. And his son not there. And the injury not a first one. And that many more before was also due to drunkenness. And I hate alcohol! And its bad effects. On the poor old man. And other road accidents caused by drunk drivers.
salam.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Summer 2009
Salam,
School's starting and I think its pretty exciting. =) I like surgery. Learned suturing and it was scary even though it was on a dummy. Heheh. My hands were actually shaking. Silly me...
Anyways, so classes are officially starting today. Lectures started last week, and today, basically starts all the hands-on stuff. I am excited but also kinda nervous and I dunno..scared a bit.
I had a good summer. Meet a lot of people. Learned a lot of things. About things, about people and about myself. I think I have to start thinking and acting like an adult now. Take things a bit more seriously and be more active. I used to be pretty active and I like trying new things and stuff. But lately, things have been pretty and I've been pretty unmotivated to do any more than read books and current issues and stuff. I need to get a bit more physically participative and active.
Alright, basically I think I've learned to be a bit more understanding towards people. Although its not really shown much on the outside at the moment, but I'm trying to adjust it all inside. I do believe it is a process and I think in that sense I need to give myself time to understand and comprehend. Just for the good of my own soul.
Also, there's a lot of diseases of the heart that I'm trying to heal. Things like ego and I dunno, jealousy, self-blaming and so on. I think the heart is a very important element I should take care of. The heart is probably the biggest thing that I've never realized has the biggest power and influence on a human being. And I want to harnest that power. Be a good person.
Okay. I think that's all I want to babble about tonight. See you guys. =)
Salam.
School's starting and I think its pretty exciting. =) I like surgery. Learned suturing and it was scary even though it was on a dummy. Heheh. My hands were actually shaking. Silly me...
Anyways, so classes are officially starting today. Lectures started last week, and today, basically starts all the hands-on stuff. I am excited but also kinda nervous and I dunno..scared a bit.
I had a good summer. Meet a lot of people. Learned a lot of things. About things, about people and about myself. I think I have to start thinking and acting like an adult now. Take things a bit more seriously and be more active. I used to be pretty active and I like trying new things and stuff. But lately, things have been pretty and I've been pretty unmotivated to do any more than read books and current issues and stuff. I need to get a bit more physically participative and active.
Alright, basically I think I've learned to be a bit more understanding towards people. Although its not really shown much on the outside at the moment, but I'm trying to adjust it all inside. I do believe it is a process and I think in that sense I need to give myself time to understand and comprehend. Just for the good of my own soul.
Also, there's a lot of diseases of the heart that I'm trying to heal. Things like ego and I dunno, jealousy, self-blaming and so on. I think the heart is a very important element I should take care of. The heart is probably the biggest thing that I've never realized has the biggest power and influence on a human being. And I want to harnest that power. Be a good person.
Okay. I think that's all I want to babble about tonight. See you guys. =)
Salam.
Monday, September 28, 2009
So tired today..
salam..
owh gosh...I'm so tired today...just got back from Pec Pod Snezka today and I'm just so so tired. It's not so much what I did there, it's more of what's been happening the whole week...phewh~...a good week though...alhamdulillah..
literally, Pec Pod Snezka means "Oven under the Snow"...why it's called that, I have no clue..it's a beautiful place though.. reminds me so much of Kinabalu. In fact, actually, anywhere I go reminds me of Kinabalu. Anywhere where there's beautiful nature spread before you. The sun bright in your face, the air so so fresh and the smell oh Subhanallah the smell..the fragrant..owh..heavenly...
heheh...
yeah...I get like this when it comes to nature. Whenever I get near nature, I would suddenly become extremely quite. I was on the bus just now, and I was thinking the reason of why was I so quiet. I think it's more because, with nature, I tend to internalize the beauty. I don't know if that makes any sense to you guys, but that's the best I could explain it. It's like...when I look at the trees, and being under it's cool shade, and the air when it's so very fresh and the water in the stream, when it's so clear and the sounds of the stream making its way around pebbles and rocks...I don't know...I can't think of anything else you know. My mind just went really quiet and peaceful. And it feels like getting the best present you have ever gotten, a present of beauty unsurpassed by your Lord, your Allah. Subhanallah...Allah The Magnificent...
above, I mentioned Kinabalu. It is a mountain back in my home country. A beautiful tall mountain, the highest peak of Southeast Asia. I actually went there about 3 years ago, in 2006. Went there with some very good friends of mine, about I think 8 or 10 of us. It was an experience of a lifetime. MashaAllah, what you see on top of that mountain is gorgeous. Seriously, I can't describe how so beautiful it is. It's spellbounding. I think if there's no time limit on top of the mount, and if I let myself go, I would be sitting there till I dunno, probably forever. A really really nice place. So nice that I think, I tend to reminiscence or sorta like remember back the place whenever I'm in any natural places. Like for example, in the forest, near rivers, vast open meadows, etcetra.
I used to do a lot these kinda things 3 years back. It was a lot of fun. I had good company. And I loved it. But, not so much these days. I dunno, a lot of the times I went out hiking, or camping or something back then, anytime I came back, it never feels enough or more correctly, something missing is always felt. Like, no matter how much I loved the nature and going exploring in it, it never was able to fill this one space in my heart. And I search for something to fill this one particular emptiness. Almost every month, me and my friends go out to the forest. Or camping or anything like that. But, the happiness was always temporary. And never particularly made me fully comfortable.
Its quite different from what I feel now. I've found the peacefulness that I was searching. It's been there all the time. But, I was too scared to actually delve into it. Fearing the weight that it carries. The no turning back point. Fearing true commitment. And utter letting go. What it is that I've found?
It is the Qur'an. The beautiful book sent down by my Creator, Allah Most Great. The ultimate, real, truest peace anyone can ever find or achieve. The cure to a lonely heart. The peace to a fragile mind, a thundering spirit, a restless ego. I find peace in the Qur'an. I find peace reading its melodious words. I find peace in being near to my Allah. And letting my heart go to Him.
This happened to me and I hope this will encourage anyone who's looking, searching, curious to
Try..
Try opening yourself up to the Qur'an..
Letting yourself go and opening up your mind...
It might be foreign terrain, but trust me, it is worth a try.....^_^
Salam..
owh gosh...I'm so tired today...just got back from Pec Pod Snezka today and I'm just so so tired. It's not so much what I did there, it's more of what's been happening the whole week...phewh~...a good week though...alhamdulillah..
literally, Pec Pod Snezka means "Oven under the Snow"...why it's called that, I have no clue..it's a beautiful place though.. reminds me so much of Kinabalu. In fact, actually, anywhere I go reminds me of Kinabalu. Anywhere where there's beautiful nature spread before you. The sun bright in your face, the air so so fresh and the smell oh Subhanallah the smell..the fragrant..owh..heavenly...
heheh...
yeah...I get like this when it comes to nature. Whenever I get near nature, I would suddenly become extremely quite. I was on the bus just now, and I was thinking the reason of why was I so quiet. I think it's more because, with nature, I tend to internalize the beauty. I don't know if that makes any sense to you guys, but that's the best I could explain it. It's like...when I look at the trees, and being under it's cool shade, and the air when it's so very fresh and the water in the stream, when it's so clear and the sounds of the stream making its way around pebbles and rocks...I don't know...I can't think of anything else you know. My mind just went really quiet and peaceful. And it feels like getting the best present you have ever gotten, a present of beauty unsurpassed by your Lord, your Allah. Subhanallah...Allah The Magnificent...
above, I mentioned Kinabalu. It is a mountain back in my home country. A beautiful tall mountain, the highest peak of Southeast Asia. I actually went there about 3 years ago, in 2006. Went there with some very good friends of mine, about I think 8 or 10 of us. It was an experience of a lifetime. MashaAllah, what you see on top of that mountain is gorgeous. Seriously, I can't describe how so beautiful it is. It's spellbounding. I think if there's no time limit on top of the mount, and if I let myself go, I would be sitting there till I dunno, probably forever. A really really nice place. So nice that I think, I tend to reminiscence or sorta like remember back the place whenever I'm in any natural places. Like for example, in the forest, near rivers, vast open meadows, etcetra.
I used to do a lot these kinda things 3 years back. It was a lot of fun. I had good company. And I loved it. But, not so much these days. I dunno, a lot of the times I went out hiking, or camping or something back then, anytime I came back, it never feels enough or more correctly, something missing is always felt. Like, no matter how much I loved the nature and going exploring in it, it never was able to fill this one space in my heart. And I search for something to fill this one particular emptiness. Almost every month, me and my friends go out to the forest. Or camping or anything like that. But, the happiness was always temporary. And never particularly made me fully comfortable.
Its quite different from what I feel now. I've found the peacefulness that I was searching. It's been there all the time. But, I was too scared to actually delve into it. Fearing the weight that it carries. The no turning back point. Fearing true commitment. And utter letting go. What it is that I've found?
It is the Qur'an. The beautiful book sent down by my Creator, Allah Most Great. The ultimate, real, truest peace anyone can ever find or achieve. The cure to a lonely heart. The peace to a fragile mind, a thundering spirit, a restless ego. I find peace in the Qur'an. I find peace reading its melodious words. I find peace in being near to my Allah. And letting my heart go to Him.
This happened to me and I hope this will encourage anyone who's looking, searching, curious to
Try..
Try opening yourself up to the Qur'an..
Letting yourself go and opening up your mind...
It might be foreign terrain, but trust me, it is worth a try.....^_^
Salam..
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Salam
Assalamu'alaikum
Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah.
Praises for Allah Most Great for letting me live today. For giving me the time I need to remember Him. For giving me the time I need to catch up.
Praises to Allah for getting me through the exams safely. For keeping my head level and intact. For letting me breath his fresh refreshing air, for expanding my lungs and pumping my blood through my fragile veins.
Praises to Allah for allowing me this time to manage these blogs and continue in my quest for knowledge and sharing knowledge. Praises to Allah for giving me these hands to type and a brain to think and share whatever I can. Praises to Allah. Praises to Allah. Praises to Allah.
I am now in the process of getting myself back on the keyboard to start writing again. I'm trying to plan the best I could for next year's entries. My blog's birthday is coming up soon, so, planning planning planning. Erm, at the moment I'm trying to think of what to write till the birthday come. I had a lot of ideas actually during the summer. But, I should hold back a bit because I was in the middle of studying through my exams. Yes, I had to study during the summer. It was a holiday+study. But, you know, nothing's really a holiday for a khalifah of Allah. It's a work work work all the time.
Another thing, I was attending some programs during the summer that was building my fikrah (thought process / mindset / perspective). So..that was holding me back a bit. I thought I should get my fikrah straight first before I write anything. But after some time, I realized your fikrah grows with you.. and that it's always evolving..
Well, there is a basic fikrah in me right. But I'm not quite sure how to write about it. We'll see..
I've been surfing through the net trying to find the best templates for my blogs. None actually feels quite that right. But, whatever. I hope the ones I've applied is good enough. Templates I find creates a mood for the blog. So, that was what I was trying to reach. But, it's tough. Anyways, these are the best at the moment.
Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah.
Praises for Allah Most Great for letting me live today. For giving me the time I need to remember Him. For giving me the time I need to catch up.
Praises to Allah for getting me through the exams safely. For keeping my head level and intact. For letting me breath his fresh refreshing air, for expanding my lungs and pumping my blood through my fragile veins.
Praises to Allah for allowing me this time to manage these blogs and continue in my quest for knowledge and sharing knowledge. Praises to Allah for giving me these hands to type and a brain to think and share whatever I can. Praises to Allah. Praises to Allah. Praises to Allah.
I am now in the process of getting myself back on the keyboard to start writing again. I'm trying to plan the best I could for next year's entries. My blog's birthday is coming up soon, so, planning planning planning. Erm, at the moment I'm trying to think of what to write till the birthday come. I had a lot of ideas actually during the summer. But, I should hold back a bit because I was in the middle of studying through my exams. Yes, I had to study during the summer. It was a holiday+study. But, you know, nothing's really a holiday for a khalifah of Allah. It's a work work work all the time.
Another thing, I was attending some programs during the summer that was building my fikrah (thought process / mindset / perspective). So..that was holding me back a bit. I thought I should get my fikrah straight first before I write anything. But after some time, I realized your fikrah grows with you.. and that it's always evolving..
Well, there is a basic fikrah in me right. But I'm not quite sure how to write about it. We'll see..
I've been surfing through the net trying to find the best templates for my blogs. None actually feels quite that right. But, whatever. I hope the ones I've applied is good enough. Templates I find creates a mood for the blog. So, that was what I was trying to reach. But, it's tough. Anyways, these are the best at the moment.
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