I'm only human

Salam,

It's difficult being with non-Muslims who don't understand (sometimes its a minority, sometimes its a majority, sometimes depending on my mood too...urh..i'm only human). When you have to contend with smirks and internally-snide remarks. It would be nice to have people who would at least respect that everyone has their own belief no matter how silly they seem, and to just let them be...

I guess I have to be patient. I don't know what else to do. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should just say to 'em " what's your problem? If you don't like religion and if you don't want to believe, then that's you. I want to believe, so leave me alone!" or maybe "You want to know why I'm so fussy about my hijab right? Or why I don't go out with boys. Or drink in pubs. Fine. Ask me why! Stop sniding me all day!"

Gosh...it's really frustrating some time. I used to get really mad and angry. Although, I don't show it much (I don't know, maybe it does show on my face. Usually people say I can't hide my feelings. Always it shows on my face..hu...). But now I guess, I'm just more sad. Probably at myself for not being able to communicate to him/her about Islam. I got irked most of the time by their actions. And this irk-ness always makes me feel not so much like wanting to share anything good with 'em, much less be friendly. And ultimately, not wanting to share something as beautiful and pure and precious as Islam with someone as bad as him/her. I felt like, he/she is not worth it. I know. What an arrogant me. This is definitely a really really really bad perception or point of view, right. Especially for someone who wants to do da'wah. Definitely not the way to go. Bad bad perception. I hope I don't mean it. Gosh it's just, I get frustrated you know! hm Okay, fine, really. I have to get it out of my mind. It's not good. This kinda feeling is definitely not Islam.

hu..

I'm only human. And I have feelings just like anyone. And I get frustrated too.

I'm not a superwoman. I can't do everything. And when I do one thing, other things do fall apart. I'm trying to learn. I'm learning. And it will take time. I'm no angel. I'm only human.

The best I can do right now is be patient (sabr). And have faith in Allah. And make dua. There's only the best to hope for.

Fisabilillah!

Salam.

Perfection

Salam,

I guess I've never been one to strive for perfection. To me, life is something to be cherished, to be experienced. I guess I've never been the one who would strive for straight A's or perfect points or 100%. I try to do my best, but if I make mistakes, it's fine. I like doing things and not care too much about the result.

There are times when I felt I was slacking too much. And I sorta push myself those times. But, at heart, I'm not a perfectionist. And I think at least for me, that is a good thing. I do hope that I will keep doing my best at things. At heart, I'm the kind of person that likes to understand rather than to master and I hope I will keep on understanding, but at the same time I think I need to not undermine mastery. I'm learning that mastery is actually important. And that there's nothing wrong or insincere or dishonest about striving for it.

Oh Allah, Lord of the universe, King of the worlds, you are my master, you are my guide, give me guidance and strengthen my heart. Amin.

Love,
Your servant.

OneRepublic

Salam,

Ryan Tedder's a musical genius :) !
The new album sound really good...They're going with a slightly different sound this time around..but still very orchestra-ic/U2 =) i'm loving it! =)

I miss our conversations
Those chats we had every night
I miss talking about the world
And about Islam, books and life
I miss telling you my day
And what I'm going through
I miss our sharing of opinions
And experiences
I miss someone to talk to
With absolute comfort
I miss speaking my mind
With unedited words
I miss being totally myself
And speaking my own language
I miss talking, period
And I miss you.