Freedom

Bismillah..

Salam wbt,

Freedom is always an interesting meaning right. For some people it means liberation from an oppressor. For others its like a bird, being able to just fly and soar. For me, it represents a struggle. A struggle to do things without having to think so much of what people think. That's my personal freedom. To not be locked up, tied down or suffocated.

Sometimes I hate writing the word "my". Coz nothing actually belongs to me you know. And sometimes the word "my" opens up too much dimensions. Once you put "my" there, it's like people are getting to know you. So it gets a bit scary.

Em, I've been looking around actually nowadays for some ways to escape. I'm not one to be tied down. And I want to go places you know. Experience things. And not get settled down. Honestly I don't like to get attached. I've tried it once and I got a good one from the process. And I think I'm okay with just that one at one. I like moving you know. Just going from one place to another.

I don't know where's life gonna get me. I could be anywhere.

But I do hope.

That I can be true to myself. And I pray I can hold on to that you know.

And not have to contradict.

Ya Allah, I really don't know you know.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm just settling.

I just hope I'm doing he right thing.

Please help me.

un-same

I hate it when I meant things this way

and you understood it another

I hate when I say one thing

and you heard another

I hate it when I meant it with my heart

and yet you got it from the head

I hate it when I want you so much to understand this

and yet you thought I was criticising

I hate when I meant to help

and you felt I was patronising

I hate it when I meant this

and you felt that

I hate it how much I want to see this

but still you see that

I hate it how much I care so much

about what you care

I hate it when I meant love

and yet what you felt was betrayal

I hate how much I can't put into words

what I want you to understand

And how much I care so much

what you care about me

I hate how much I love you

and you fail to feel that

How love is up to that level for you

and yet more than that for me

I hate how much I meant

how much I meant

how much I meant

how much I meant

is rejected to me

And I miss those who understood me

the way _ do.

o my gosh

Bismillah..

O my gosh, I just looked over my previous entries, and oh gosh...It's kinda scary. Especially that Malay rant. O God, I seem so angry. I must've been. I do know where that entry came from, but o gosh, even I am too scared to try to remember the event.

Hm..sorry guys. Must've scared u guys too.

=) I'm not that scary in person.

w'salam wbt

One week and a half in 5th year

Bismillah..

Assalamu'alaikum wbt

It's been already one week and a half in 5th year and I gotta say, I'm loving it~! =) Alhamdulillah....=)

So far these are what's already happened (sorry for the weird grammar) :

1. Moved into a new house and I'm loving it. It's chic (at least in my eyes ;) ), small, cute and so close to everywhere else. I get to walk everywhere now! :) Thereby catering my long-overdue need for some exercise :).

2. Walking alongside the river every morning to class. Beautiful. Just beautiful. There's the morning breeze. There's the trees turning different shades of red welcoming autumn. There's the sounds of water gushing through the dam. There's the water, clean and clear reflecting the blue sky above.

3. More clinical stuff in class. Although I think, it might just be me that's only noticing it now. I like it though. More applications. And more things make sense. Like why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place.

These are the good things Alhamdulillah. But knowing Czech Republic, I think, most of the time, it'd be us that needs to push for some excitement. Be initiative and push ourselves more to participate. 'Cause, from experience, the teachers sure are not going to do it for us. We, or specifically, I, have to make my own experience here exciting. It took me 4 years and a hospital attachment at UM to realize it, but I sure am not going to waste my one year more here despising and lamenting on it. I need to make the best of this year. Both as a student and as something more.

w'salam wbt

manusia memang pandai mengumpat

nak cakap depan-depan kat muka orang tuh tak berani

dengan Allah

yang for sure dh memang dengar and lihat segala-galanye

sikit pun tak takut

berani saje.

manusia memang pandai buat dosa

meniru dalam exam

mengutuk berjela-jela

berdua-duaan laki pompuan tak kawin

semuanya berani

kalo cikgu kantoikan, takut betul

kalo org yg dikutuk terdengar,

terus mendiam

kalo masuk paper ke org tau ke kene tangkap parents ke

kite berdua-duaan

bukan main malu

tapi dengan Allah

sikit pun tak

takut dgn manusia

takut dgn orang

tapi dengan Allah

sikit pun tak

orang lain nak pertahankan agama

die lekehkan

perli memanjang

org islam ke ape nih

kate je islam, tapi perjuangkan agama lain

bukannye nk bincang ke

redakan keadaan ke

support saudara sendri

dan izzah dgn agama sendri

kalau tak bangga dgn islam

abis tuh nk bangga dgn apa?

nak perjuangkan agama barat??

huh,

nama je islam

tapi menduakan agama sendri

manenye tauhid?

afwan. ana terlalu marah.

oh tomorrow

my sigh my sigh

sigh...tomorrow...

of anguish, bitterness and pain

of loud mouths flying high

and meaningless conversation

shattering, dissolving

into thin air

despairing words

of utter rubbish

lost in the substance

of mere discussions

of people and people and people

more complaints and complaints and complaints

endless gibberish from a gibbering mouth

destructively shallow shallow shallow

oh utter anguish

o silent frustration

sealed sealed sealed

for a purpose

o sigh

oh silent day

hold on

another

shut your ears

and shut your eyes

just shut your ears

and shut your eyes

oh groping heart

oh yearning soul

Where is Malaysia heading?

Assalamu'alaikum wbt,

It is a wonder really, where is Malaysia heading. I've been chatting with some friends and again and again with different crowds, the topic of Malaysia's route to self-destruction comes up. Its crazy, really, if you look at the news in Malaysia'a newspapers. There's just so many problems, and yet the government is so busy at pursuing the developed country status ie Malaysia Maju 2020. It is crazy, seriously.

You have people "throwing" babies all over the place, the crime rate is not any better, corruption in politics and in law, youngsters are still quite illiterate in some places, you have illegal squatters all over the most "developed" city because they can't afford the houses, "murtad" cases are sprouting like mushrooms, racial tensions are high, drug abuse rates have never reduced, and yet, and yet, the government are chasing some stupid "developed country" title. What exactly is the form of development is the government looking for? High rise buildings, mega sales, shopping complexes, bombastic image?? when the people of the country itself are suffering, not happy, addicted to some stupid substances, restless and hedonistic???

Is this the kind of development the country wants??

Crazy!

Where is stability? Where are ethics and moral? Where are dignities and identity? Where is the pride and courage? Where are the leaders? Where are principles and discipline? Where's the peace? Where's the fun in learning? Where are communities? Where are the eastern manners and courtesy and beauty?

The government seem bent at acquiring only material gains. These will not satisfy any soul and with it, the country will have the Malaysia Maju title, but behind that pretty name, you will many many more problems, disintegration, and basically decay in the society.

There is no point in chasing a title, if the meaning of the tile is not there. It's like having a beautiful green, big, fragrant durian, but when you open it, and expect some sweets fruits inside, suddenly you're disappointed when inside it is empty. Turns out, it was not as beautiful as it looks. Beautiful on the outside but empty inside.

Wallahu'alam.

Missing the US

Assalamu'alaikum wbt,

gosh...I didn't how I miss the US...

I was watching this video on youtube by brother Nouman Ali Khan, I'm sure you guys have heard of him, really famous guy. Erm he was talking about Why and How to learn Arabic..and suddenly I realized how much I wanted to be there..

You see...brother Nouman is actually one of the instructors at Bayyinah institute, a centre for learning the Arabic language. They provide courses in classical arabic and arabic literary. I was interested in this one course they have, or actually, planning to offer. It's called the Dream project. I find it very interesting especially after listening to one of brother Nouman's tafseer session at Kalamullah. Here, I'll give you the link

link

I was listening and I was struck by how different it was from any other tafseer I've ever listened to. It actually explored a different side of the Qur'an. It's different, really, you should check it out yourselves.

Erm...there's a part of me that want to learn arabic. It's not that strong, maybe coz I'm not that into learning a language. I picked up English, I guess when I was in the US. And I read a lot. So, a lot of it is by exposure. And the grammar and everything I guess, it just comes naturally with reading the language you know. But, learning a language in the formal way, of memorizing and grammar and connecting it all together with all these rules. I don't know. Maybe coz I'm lazy. Maybe. I don't know. How do you get a language naturally? Hmm..

I've thought of like going to Egypt or Mauritania where my favourite Sheikh learned before, to learn Arabic. You know, stay there for a year or something. But, honestly, I have no interest in Egypt, a huge interested in Mauritania, but at the moment knows no one close there and of course no means and feasible plan to go there. If the world was mine, I'd probably just take a plan and fly over there and learn.

But I guess, US has always struck a sweet cord with me. I've thought going to Zaytuna institute, but the course seemed to rigorous and scary for my taste.. Masjid Omar is another...then, there's this Bayyinah Institute.

Hm...I don't know...now, at this moment writing this down...It suddenly feels like a past life, that life of mine in the US. I didn't stayed that long, but I guess it left a trace. You know, I've never felt that much anger towards the US. Their President and government killed the Muslims, but not their people. And, the US that I know was not evil. In fact, it was the place that I remember good memories. Very much in contradiction to what I feel when I came back to M'sia.

I don't know if I ever want to go back. You hear so many things in the media post 9/11....But, I don't know...I think..the US's people...I think, they're forgiving. I don't know..I lived in one of the small city...not New York or anywhere close to that, so, I don't know. I guess, in areas where there's no evangelists or in small cities, it's probably not so bad to go back...I don't know..I'll let fate take the lead..

The thing is, I don't know if I ever want to go back to M'sia. The Malaysia that I know has never welcomed me. And that's the truth from the very bottom of my heart. And I know, people will I dah lupa daratan or something daring to say this public. But I'm not saying this out of hate towards Malaysia. Malaysia will always be my home country. And I have no intention on changing nationality or disowning my roots. This is just how I feel. And what I feel is from the experiences that I've had in living in two different countries.

I worry, honestly. Of raising a child, building a family in Malaysia. I seriously do not know how I can raise a good child in the environment Malaysia is in right now. It's a daunting thought.

Till then.

Salam.

Endurance and Life

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Hi! :I its been a long time..at least I feel it has been..since I've written here..I guess I've been busy.
This blog has been pretty much like a diary or maybe more like a journal..And I've been aching to write..You know I have these narratives in my head all the time..And I wanted to put in down on paper..but just I guess, there's some other more prior/priority things comes up.

Anyways..

I was studying for my Sports Medicine final a few a days ago and I came to this powerpoint slide

And so it talks about endurance, basically the ability to withstand long duration or period of exercise...

Immediately HACC comes to my mind. Its my old club back in my A-Level years and its one club that has etched quite a notch in the memories of my short 24 years of life so far. HACC stand for Hiking and Camping Club. And we do of course a lot of hiking and camping, but we also do other outdoorsy-adventurous/extreme sports. Thing like white water rafting, wall-climbing, kayaking, paintball and so on.

The thing that came to mind when I see this word endurance is my first mountain. Its called Gunung Jerai (Mount Jerai) and also my last one. Called Mount Kinabalu.

I remember the first time I went a mount..was the most horrible experience I've ever had in my entire life. At least you know, physically horrible. Up to that point in my life, I had never been camping, never went into a forest much less scale a mountain. I joined the club exactly for that reason. I wanted to experience something new. And so, I was probably big-headed..I had no idea how tough it'd be to climb a mountain. I thought you know, you just go up. You just walk and walk...and if you have not reached the top, keep walking again. I had this fairly simple logic and this was exactly the one I hold on to all the way up.

But oh God. Seriously, it was not easy. Seriously. When you get so tired, that tired, nothing almost completely nothing crosses your mind as your moving. You're just telling yourself again and again, okayh girl, just put this one in front of the other, okay, now again, this foot in front of that one, don't stop moving, you can do this, it's not that far, just a little bit more, alright, come on. And I was calling Allah. I thought I'd might just die of exhaustion. I prayed that if I die now, please, make it worth it. I was well aware that this is probably not how I hope to die. You knwo, death during a purposeless mountain climb is not the way I wanted to go. But, I was really really spent. Extremely exhausted. I can feel every muscle aching. I heaving. I was bent almost to the ground trying to push myself to keep on going. It was at night (night climb), so thank God no one can see me in that state. But it was horrible.

But, so, that was you know, my first mountain. You know, when you buy a new shoe, you have to break it in or some say bite it before you can actually wear it with comfort. Well that's how I felt the first mount first. It was like, you have to break into it first.

Several mounts after that was not as bad for me. You still need to push yourself, but you're a lot more prepared.

The time I Allah let me climb Kinabalu, was one of the best thing I've ever experienced in my life. Erm, I like nature. And this time, I was alhamdulillah able to look around and enjoy the nature, in spite of the usual physical struggle.

You see, with the first mount, I was very engulf in pushing and motivating, just basically with the inner struggle to just keep on moving. So, in that frame of mind, you're not aware of what's around you. You're not able to enjoy the scenic landscape around you or to appreciate the beauty. Alhamdulillah as you get more accustomed and your physiology adapts itself to that kind of stress, Allah gives you the vista or the opportunity to see the beauty around you.

So with Kinabalu, alhamdulillah I was able to just experience and appreciate the beautiful nature.
But it took quite a lot of hardwork and consistence.

About three to four months before the climb, I start preparing myself. I'd go jogging every single day about an hour a day to build up my fitness and endurance. The goal was not strength but endurance. I make sure I eat healthy. There was no ice or cold drinks. And I stayed away from junk food. It was also I guess to train my discipline.

Once you get on the mountain. The most important thing for me is consistency. For others, and I think for actually quite a many others, the style is to go fast and strong. They would up really fast, some of them even at the speed of running, and then take a long break/rest every now and then. For me, I'm more of and I like to take more of the slow-and-steady way. I would walk at a steady pace, and I would keep it at that pace all the way through. I take stops but not long one. Just a short break. The challenge with this course, is you have be laid-back, calm, persistent and not be swayed by people constantly overtaking you. Usually first they'll overtake you, then, when they're taking their long stops, you move ahead of them, then, once they start moving again, they overtake you again. But I don't mind, I like going slow and steady.

The first 2 hours or so, I had to really push myself. From previous experience of climbing, at first you have to push yourself. Then, there will be this one point, where you don't have to push yourself anymore, and your body will be completely relaxed and moving automatically on its own. That point actually is quite a huge rush.

And so, the first 2 hours are the most challenging. These first hours, I have to motivate myself profusely, really tell myself to continue walking, don't stop, breath in a fixed rhythm, keep on moving and so on. It's the most difficult stage and its the one you're most likely to give up at. But if I give up at this stage, I know it would be much more harder to continue on. Because if you stop at that first stage, your body cannot adapt, and you will have to start programming it as if from the start and you'll have to push again. And you don't want to be stuck in that cycle throughout the whole climb. So, I have to convince myself that I will reach that easy point after this hard stage, for me to keep on going.

In this first stage, the exhaustion will build up. At first, you will feel okay, not too bad. Then, it will get slowly more tiring. Then, it gets exhausting. Then, you will so completely tired that you'd just want to turn around and go back down the mount. You'd want to stop. You'd start thinking about all those other things that you could have been doing right now. You'd start thinking about Haagen Daaz and Baskin Robbins and Neslo and all your favourite. And you'd about just sitting down and just sleeping. This is probably the hardest point in the whole climb for me. At this moment, I really really have to fight myself. Fight all my nafsu, all those disturbing thoughts that's telling me to just stop and give up. I tell you, it's very hard. And the one thing that I use to keep me going is that hope for that transition point, that this is normal for the first stage, and I will get over it, and things will be easy after that.

If you keep going and going, you will finally reach that transition point. It's like, you feel like, something switched on, or click with your physiology/body. Just suddenly, your mind is clear and body is relaxed. You don't feel tired anymore. And there's no need for that profuse hard motivations because its as if you're on autopilot. Your legs are just moving on its own. And your eyes and and your mind is free to wonder. Its actually quite exhilarating. This is the best best moment of the whole climb.

From this point onwards, I can think about anything and everything. Its just me and my Allah. I can throw my sight to this beautiful landscape around me and breath its refreshing air and just be completely at peace. I can express my feelings to Allah. I can ponder on my problems outside of this moment, problems with friends, at home, whatever. It's like..I don't know how to say...It's peaceful. And you'd given the chance to just comb throughout your life and be completely grateful everything that Allah has given you. And this feeling, it stays with you, all the way up to the peak, when you're viewing this vast vast landscape and you feel so small against this tremendous creation and you're amazed at God and this feeling stays with all the way down when you make your way back.

Its an amazing feeling. Amazing experience.
____________________________________________________________________

When I look back at that experience, I to relate it a lot with my daily life and I try to apply the concepts involved.

The general concept of not giving up and to be persistent and consistent and be disciplined in all that you do is very much applicable every day. Also, the feeling of being overtaken by others that seems to be moving faster than myself, has huge parallelism in my life. A lot of time, I know I have to stick to my principles no matter how much others are moving past me. Whenever the society say that this is right or okay, but I know it is wrong, this is the moment that concept apply. You know, as a muslim, we are the ghuraba' of this age. We are weird in society's eyes. And we are odd. And we are against the tide, the stream of the river. Now, how do you find the strength to stick to it. To go on doing you know what is right, when everyone else is doing exactly the opposite. Its tough. Admitted and unarguably, it is tough. This is what keeps me going. Knowing that, at one one point, this will get easy. And it will feel like heaven.

You've already got that taste of heaven every day you know. When its just you and your Allah. And you feel His caress, and nothing else matters. You feel that every day.

Imagine a day..
When the sun is bright, but you feel no heat,
When the breeze is just right
And you feel free
And just nice
And the trees are green
Flowers blooming
The sea as blue as the sky
Birds singing its melodious zikr
And you're the ones you love
And your stomach full
And your mood happy..

You know...that will come
And you just have to believe in it
That it will be for you
Just keep at it
InsyaAllah
He is the Most Loving, Most Kind, Most Generous
He is waiting for you
Its up to you to come.

=)

Life as I know it..today

Life as we know it is coming to an end

And the more I live it

The more I'm disappointed

I know I can't say this

This life and everything on earth is a blessing from God

I know that

And I can't possible say no

But it disappoints me to see how people are..

I am in this workforce

Not your typical one

But one that tries to change the world

Making an actual serious committed effort to change things

And clearly going against the tide

Against what everyone else is doing

And looking completely incomprehensible to the common eye

And in my work so far...

I am seeing too many incongruence

And it saddens me even more..

There are those explicit ones you expect

And yet I am shocked and sadden every single time

And there are those internal ones

That's just completely unfathomable

and disheartening

hampering and disappointing

I don't know what I expected

But I did not expect this

I can't wrap my mind around it you know

I'm trying to understand

But to be honest I don't

I think it is absurd, ridiculous and extremely selfish

I just cannot understand this kind of behaviour

It's absurd

It's completely absurd..

I'm trying to understand

I'm trying my hardest without compromising my principles

And without getting dragged into the same tide

I just can't understand this.

---

Someone told me..

When you've worked your hardest

And you've tried everything

It's time for you to let go

I think that's what I need to do you know.

Not give up in my work

But to let go

to Allah

There are things He does...that He lets happen

that's completely beyond our understanding

no matter how much we thought it over

And when you've reached that point

letting go is the best thing..

But my prayers will go on

I don't want to take advantage to know

Fold up my arms, or put my legs on the coffee table

I really don't

And I'm forever scared that God will be mad at me for not doing enough

I don't wanna slack

Coz I don't wanna be an ungrateful creation

This life is a test

And I'm forever missing heaven

And I wish I could return home someday.

"Aku tinggalkan manusia kerana aku mengenali mereka

Telah banyak pengalamanku bersama teman demi teman

Setiap hari, aku gembira menyambut permulaanya

Namun akhirnya aku sedih melihat penghujungnya."

Bingkisan sebuah syair Arab.

I feel it so close to my heart...

About what I feel about friendships. About the people I meet in the span of my short life. The love and heartbreaks (friendship-wise)...

I've only met one person that is like a gem amongst all the glass

She's genuine, she's caring, she's forever understanding

She would never think bad of me

I mean, her first thoughts are always good of you, and after that, only then she would ask

We click

And like cliche in novels - we can 'finish each other's sentences'

I don't know if she knows..

But I truly treasure her

Even though I've tested her quite a lot

sampai hati

oh Allah,

hati yang sedih perlu dirawati,

pipi yang basah perlu dikeringkan,

langkah yang longlai perlu dikuatkan kembali,

jiwa yang lemah ini memerlukan pangkuan kekuasaanMu,

oh Allah, I need your love,

I need your comfort...

Cinema

Salam,

I've always found cinemas disturbing. The idea of paying 10 bucks for two hours of puristic entertainment in the dark. For a Muslim, this does not make sense.

There's that idea of first of all paying for mere entertainment. And its not just in sen, but in ringgit. It's a lot of money to be spending on entertainment.

Then there's the fact of pure entertainment. You're not going there for anything worthy of your mind, but for relaxation. Which should be only for a while. To regroup and refocus and loosen the stress and headaches for a while. Taking a break for 2-3 hours did not make sense.

Then there's the darkness. Why would you ever want to go in a room full of unmarried people, in black darkness. You know what couples, unmarried couples are doing in there. So, why do you want to go in.

hm..it's baffling for me. odd.

Wallahu'alam.

train of thoughts

Assalamu'alaikum,

I was looking at all these YM statuses and I was thinking how varied the interests are between people and yet this trend of one time, really, being addicted to a specific train of thoughts and another time hooked on another. It goes in phases. And people follow these phases. Either completely in awareness of it or not aware of it at all. There's nothing wrong it. Its part of sunnatullah. When you are given that thrill of a specific thought process, you'll fell the rush of it for awhile. Sometimes its ticks around longer. Sometimes short. But, all insyaAllah can be beneficial if viewed with an open mind. And of course if everything is within the syariah.

I was thinking you know. Basically I click on these statuses once in awhile. And so I got to this vid called A Land Called Paradise, which is a song for peace, sung by Kareem Salama. Its a a wonder actually. A blessing. Alhamdulillah. Just a few moments back, I was looking for this guy. About 2 years ago, I went to London for this expo called the IslamExpo. They had these like mini-concerts two nights. And each one presented an ensemble of contemporary Muslim artists who sings basically Arabic or English songs. You had to get a separate ticket for those concert. Separate from your ticket for the Expo itself. I didn't want spend too much on these concerts but I do wanna watch what Muslims generally outside of my country is listening to nowadays. And I'm not a big fan of the nasheed brand I was exposed to in my country, so I decided to just go for one of the concert. Fortunately, the Expo itself had printed a very very nice booklet or more like a magazine for the Expo itself. And so, in there, you had a brief description and pictures of all the artists that were performing. And so, basically, when I got back from the trip, I searched YouTube for these artists. And one of them was Kareem Salama.

So, basically, that was like 2 years ago. And I've forgotten the guy's name. But, I remember that I liked a one or two of his songs. And I was looking for them, when I clicked on that particular YM status. And Alhamdulillah you know...there he was! A miracle! Alhamdulillah..

There was another YM status that I clicked on. And it led me to this amazing talk by this Syeikh in the US. Basically about the tafsir of surah al-Kahf. Amazing really. How in depth that surah is. And the lessons you learn are tremendous. Some things you would never have thought about if you read it alone on your own. Alhamdulillah. From there, you know...there was a link provided..and from there you get to a bunch of other really good talks. And Alhamdulillah God has given me such tremendous insights on things through those talks. Although I don't dare listen/watch too much of them. Cause I do know, that you gotta practice you know, you know. Its like, what's the point of me getting to know so much, if I don't absorb it well. If I don;t sit and ponder. And really think about how this portrays and apply in my life. And how I can change form this thing that I know. So, you know, I don't quite like much to watch so many things or read so many things, except for things that change the way I look at things. Things that change my mind. Things that change my perception. These kinda things, talks like these, I think everyone need to give more attention to. Although, there is a risk of getting too caught up in thought processes that you end up not actually doing anything, but just completely engulf in discussing thought processes. This is basically the traps that most philosophers get into. Its not that its completely wrong. For the philosophers themselves, at least for those that are actually rooted, or that actually a solid belief/principle...for them, discussing these philosophies have an impact in their life. They are able to translate those philosophy into solid actions. But, this is only for themselves. And for the group of students that they teach. or basically their apprentices who probably has the exact same in-built mechanism in them. But, this is a very very small subculture. A minority in fact. And their exertions on the public as whole, where majority of the ummah resides, is almost too little.

You know, when the ummah looks at them. And reads their writings. Or hear their opinions. That ummah is not able to translate that same train of thoughts into actions. Or the ummah could completely misunderstand and act 180 degrees off-course. Now this is the thing that I think is the weakness of going through or specializing or sticking life-or-death with this method. This is where I think is the weakness of philosophers and, analogously, academics and scholars. There is a failure in transmitting their wisdom to the public. And one of the big reason, I think is the lack of jumping into the society. Meaning actually mixing with the crowd, really moulding them slowly, with the aim of giving understanding, moulding that understanding and really making a solid, physically, can-be-seen effort at changing the society. Indulging in discussions and philosophical discussion in the sense of merely doing only just that, and completely engulfing oneself in that pursuit for a higher sophisticated philosophical or academic or scholarly understand is in fact futile. And definitely, not what will change the ummah at this current state that we are in. This state of weak iman that crumbles so easily in the face of the west or any other un-Imanic influence, this state of Muslims not even knowing their own deen, not even doing the basic acts of submission like solat and zakat and sawm, the state of the ummah completely in assabiyah and sick wahn. Face the reality. This is the state of the ummah! The ummah is not in need of knowing the different ways of taking the wudhu' according to this scholar or that scholar or according to this mazhab or that mazhab. They don't even know why they are taking the wudhu'. They don't even feel the cleansing of that act in meeting their God purity. They don't even feel their God there. These are rituals they do everyday. So, it feels wrong not to do it. Not wrong because of betrayal to Allah. Or the feeling of complete love towards the Allah that you praying to. Or the torture of missing Him so dearly if you miss even one appointment. Of if you face that appointment in dirt and impurities. No. The ummah does not feels this. So what is the point of knowing all those differences in methods of taking wudhu' if the heart is not there. if Iman is not there. If taqwa is not there. If even belief is not there. Syirk is the bigger problem here.
,,,

I was searching for Hamza Yusuf on YouTube. Just looking for some recent talks. And RausyanFikir posted a very nice rihlah he did with Syed Naquib Al-Attas in Malaysia. Hm! I thought. Cool!. So I clicked on it.

I knew about Syed Naquib Al-Attas before. I don't know that much. Just basically know that he is a Malaysian thinker. I read some stuff RausyanFikir wrote about his meeting with the Syeikh. But I couldn't follow the discussion. Too much terms I don't know. I think most probably, students of philosophy can follow. But I'm a student of Medicine. So, it was almost impossible.

Anyway. My dad e-mailed me one about the Syeikh's reponse in the use of kalimah Allah in a Christian magazine. It was like an issue in Malaysia. This time around, for this issue, I don't feel its necessary to discuss in blogs or whatever in lengthy detail. You will go around in circles. This is what I think. There's a lot of angle in which you can approach this issue. And basically, this is an issue to blind a bigger agenda that is no even in that loop of discussions. And I don't mean that that agenda is Kristianisasi. I would just say here, that Muslims should look at themselves. The key to the whole big highly media-ized and public-ized issue is actually just within a Muslim self.

Okay, anyways. I read the view of the Syeikh regarding the issue. I thought it was okay. But it was not something that hooked me in you know. I respect the Syeikh, but you know, I probably won't be searching the guy up on YouTube for latest talks. Basically he's good. But, taste, likening and the feeling of somehow like being a fan, is relative.

From the rihlah between him and S. Hamza Yusuf, I understand more his (S. Al-Attas's) style. Basically, how he delivers is message or point. So, Alhamdulillah. The talk was a very good complement to his answer to the kalimah Allah issue in the e-mail my dad sent me.

It's Alhamdulillah a good lesson to be learnt. A little bit of knowledge will make a person arrogant. But a lot will make him humble.

And this is the precise tadabbur of the ayat:

We raise in degrees whom We will, but over every possessor of knowledge is one [more] knowing. (Surah Yusuf ayat 76)

And Allah has revealed to you the Book and wisdom and has taught you that which you did not know. And ever has the favor of Allah upon you been great. (Surah An-Nisa' ayat 113)

There is no god but He: That is the witness of Allah, His angels, and those endued with knowledge, standing firm on justice. There is no god but He, the Exalted in Power, the Wise. (Surah Ali-'Imran ayat 18)

Wallahu'alam.

=)

salam

oh gosh. it's been a long time since I last listen to Hamza Yusuf talk. Just watched this one just now. Just gotta say...."I'm Loving It!" =) erk..sorry...I'm just a fan.. =)

His points always grabs my attention, and I love his style and knowledge and how integrates and presents things in, I would say, a very unique manner, unlike any speaker I've heard of. Anyways, here's the talk:







salam! =) Let's try to remember these reminders and apply them in our plans for the future (marriage/family), InsyaAllah!

age don't matter

salam

erm.. I actually don't quite want to write this in, but I dunno....a lot of things I think needn't need to be said, but a lot of times in discussions or plain chats with my friends, these things end up being said....a lot of things I think, people can understand on their own....turns out...not from my point of view, but, really, from experiences...most of those things turned out needing to be explained or least, pointed out...I know this sounds very very conceited....I don't mean it that way...I can only guess that I need to say this..because you know sometimes...., when you say something.....what you say..can immediately nullify it...I'll give you an example..

When someone says "I am pious". As soon as he says that, you know he is not.

Or when a someone claims he's a mujtahid, immediately you know he is not one. At least, not the mujtahid.

Or when someone says "I am the best Muslim around", you know he is not.

Get what I mean...?
These kind of statements...,
these...I don't like to say. Things about myself and what I actually think about things. But, to be someone who wants to spread Islam or wants to see good in this world, anyone, you need to say it out to people. I really really don't like to write what I'm about to write...it's not that its bad...but people might perceive of me otherwise, just because of me just saying it. This is kinda like the issue that I have with myself a lot of times. I want to say something, yet, I don't put myself out there, you know, I'd rather just stay below the radar, but that is never the role of a Muslim. So, you know, there's always these tugs of war.

Anyways, the title above is 'age don't matter'. Okay, as I said, I don't quite know if everyone feels this way about age, or don't feel this way and as I said above, I'm not quite sure if it needs to be pointed out. But, I'll just go on and say it out. Hope it's fine with everyone.

Erm, age don't matter.

As I go on more and more in life, as I get older, as I basically age and live and go through things and most importantly learn, what I know of Islam is that it can be found anywhere. Seriously, anywhere! You can find it in the park, in the bus, in your room, with your family, in schools, at the beaches, in the air, in the soil, in the tummy of a mother, in the hearts of man, in the minds of geniuses, even in the most unexpected places such as in pubs, clubs, football fields, cinemas, movies, games, clothes, fashion, etcetra etcetra. Literally everywhere! Characters of Islam is everything and anything that is good in this world. Everytime you are anywhere, and in any situtation, you see that Islam there, if and only if, you are a truly subservient Muslim only to Allah and Allah alone, and if you have the sensitive heart of a Muslim who is yufaqqihu fiddeen.

A Muslim, who is truly true to his shahadah, who will have already learned the aqidah, and know completely how to distinguish between what is Islam and what is Jahiliyah (Non-Islam), will immediately see what is Islam in each aspect of his or her life.

For example, if he reads a story about a child being good to his parents, he sees that as Islam. It doesn't matter if that child happens to be a Jew living in a lush house in Tel Aviv. It doesn't matter if the writer is a self-pronounced Zionist. A Muslim would still see that quality of being good to your parents as a very Islamic quality.

The same goes for age. Age don't matter when it comes to Islam. You can learn so much from a child. You can also learn a lot from a grandfather or a grandmother. You can learn from your senior, one year older than you. Or your junior, one year younger than you. Needless to say, you can also learn from your peers.

Sometimes, tables can turn. The person who you use to give tuitions to, to teach with all your heart, mould him/her from knowing nothing to knowing everything, is suddenly so much more smarter than you. So much successful. So much more rich, maybe. More filled with wisdom. And is blessed with the intelligence of a lot of things. He or she ends up now teaching you. The student has become the teacher. If this knowledge is Islam, can you accept that? Or will your pride and ego get in the way? Or will traditions be put as your ilah over Allah? Or your emotions as an ilah over Allah? Or your feeling of 'huh, this kid who's still wet behind the ears wants to teach me?? the mighty me who used to be his teacher?!?!?' ?

Islam is something that is so so precious. You can get it anywhere, everywhere. You just need to open up your heart, soften it a bit, really open it, to accept that Islam anywhere and anywhere in any situation. Open up your horizon. Seriously. And be willing to be faithful. It's, MashaAllah, a beautiful feeling. Don't let your grudges about things, or about the past, or about being hurt by somebody or some situation, get in the way of you being Islamic, of you being a good Muslim, who knows how to be kind to his peers and be gentle as his Prophet s.a.w. Things happen always for a reason. And actually when you think about, if you are complaining, in reality, who are you complaining at? Isn't it a shame if you suddenly find that it is Allah? All things come from Allah, So if you're complaining about things, you're basically complaining about Allah. Astaghfirullah.

It's really something to ponder about...

The last thing any Muslim intends, is to suddenly not be Islamic. The last thing any Muslim intends to do is hurt Allah in the sense of complaining about Him or be completely unfaithful or ungrateful to Him. The last thing any Muslim intends to do too, is to hurt their friends and neighbours in any way, be it by the words they say or the things they do. In this respect, let's be kind to our friends. Take care of the words we say and how we say it. And the best example we have in how to treat our friends is Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. Get to know him and emulate him. He is our best example of a best friend.

Wallahu'alam. :)

p/s: Points in this article is basically applicable to anything in life, be it age, ranks/posts, nationality, culture, language, country, personality, past, future, organisation, etc etc. See and differentiate Islam in all these things, and open up your heart to accept it. InsyaAllah. And of course, always start anything with a prayer (doa/dua) to the Creator. He is the Keeper of hearts, so pray to Him to open your heart fresh every single time. ;) :)